What happens when you can’t control a situation? Do you fall into victimhood, or do you find another way to react?

In this introspective episode, join me on a journey through the unforeseen delays and frustrations of a recent project, and the powerful mindset shift that saved my sanity.

In this episode, we explore:

• The one choice you do have when everything feels outside your control.
• The power of perspective and controlling reactions in the face of adversity.
• Fostering acceptance and generating a ‘high frequency’ to manifest desired outcomes.
• The impact of energy and emotions on overall well-being.
• The power of surrender in difficult situations

So get ready to learn the art of control for when things are feeling beyond your control!

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Big love,

Amanda xo

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Transcript

S2E3 – The Mindset Shift that Saved my Sanity in 2023

S2E3 – The Mindset Shift that Saved my Sanity in 2023

[00:00:00] Amanda: We can go straight into this idea of victim hood. This blaming. This frustration is anger. And all of these lower level emotions. Or we can take this step back. . We can stop saying, why is this happening to me? And think about it in terms of why is this happening for me?

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[00:00:56] Amanda: Hello, my love and welcome back to another episode of feminine luminary. I don’t know about you, but I can not believe that we are almost to the end of 2023. And this year in particular. Even though the last few years have been very, very strange, unique. Different. 2023 has been such an interesting one for myself.

[00:01:22] Amanda: And I believe so many people in my community that I’ve spoken with as well. And. This year in particular has just felt so unlike so many of the others, it’s been this real place of contemplation. It’s this place of stagnation. And I’ve delved into this in a previous episode about sitting in the void, but it’s just felt like this place of waiting. So much waiting has happened in 2023. And actually want to delve into this concept in this episode. Because there’s a difference between waiting. Because.

[00:01:59] Amanda: [00:02:00] We’re not sure where to go.

[00:02:01] Amanda: We’re not sure what to do. The ball rests in our court. And waiting because it’s outside of our control. And that’s the difference that I want to speak into today. So for me, there has been a lot of this waiting, being in the Boyd, both in business, and also personally, So there’s been a lot of different projects happening, a lot of different moving parts.

[00:02:24] Amanda: And I’ve been feeling as though I’m getting there, I’m getting there. It’s going to happen. Everything’s going to come to fruition. It’s going to be my year. And here we are. End of 2023. And there’s a lot of things that should have been completed by now. That happened. And so I’m saying to myself, 20, 24 is going to be the, yeah, it definitely is because all of these things are going to drop and it’s going to be incredible. But if we go back to this idea of this waiting. Feeling like we don’t know where things are going to go. There’s really two different ways that we can look at it.

[00:02:58] Amanda: We can go straight into this idea of victim hood. This blaming. This frustration is anger. And all of these lower level emotions. Or we can take this step back. And we can look at it objectively. We can stop saying, why is this happening to me? And think about it in terms of why is this happening for me?

[00:03:21] Amanda: But before I delve too deep into that.

[00:03:24] Amanda: I want to tell you a little bit about a story. This is one of the projects that we’ve had on the go for a very, very long time. That I was hoping in 2023 was going to be the year for. So I recently shared my stories on Instagram, around this house that we’ve been building. It’s a little investment property.

[00:03:43] Amanda: It’s a three by two. In a pre COVID times when we first built, when we built our first house, it took us seven months from the sled going down to receiving the keys seven months. And it was a much bigger house that was twice the size. In terms of the overall. [00:04:00] Square footage or the overall meterage, as we’d say in Australia.

[00:04:04] Amanda: And here we are. Many many years later. So we first signed the contract for this. So this is just a, like a contract of interest to actually go into the agreement for the land and that the house back in December, 2019. I’m recording this December, 2023 and it’s still not done. So the original contract was signed in. Then the building contract. Which is considered like the official contract that was signed around early 20, 20. So even then we’re always talking four years later. And the time that we signed it did the whole world turned upside down and we had a COVID here.

[00:04:44] Amanda: We had all of these different things going on. And. Had we predicted that. We would, we would not have predicted that. It was impossible to predict. Unless you could see into the future. And so there’s been all of these things along the way where. It’s outside of my control. But anyway, as we, it. We’re slowly building this house.

[00:05:08] Amanda: We signed the contract it’s then we’re having issues with the finance because there’s a Royal commission going on in Australia, around financial lending. At the time I’m pregnant with my now three and a half year old son. And I’m about to go on maternity leave. So the bank isn’t accepting my paid parental income as income. The lending purposes because of this Royal commission, they’ve cracked down on everything.

[00:05:31] Amanda: And so that delayed the process. Finally, my son is born. I returned back to work. It’s about a year and a bit at this point in time that we finally get our finance approved. And these are the things that are slowing it down. And is it in my control? Not really. These are things that exist. If I control this, have to go with the flow. And so anyway, we finally had the slab laid for the house about a year and a half into the actual process. I’m ready.

[00:05:59] Amanda: You [00:06:00] finally get the slap things are moving. And then we get towed. The year is an industry shortage. There’s no bricklayers, there’s no bricks. There’s no labor. So I’ve got another six month wait to actually get the bricks down.

[00:06:12] Amanda: pAtients practicing patients. Here we go. What can we do about it? We tried all of these things along the way. We tried sourcing her and bricklayers as were advised to do, but we had issues then around the rate that the builder was going to pay the brick layers and the rates that the industry was charging at that point in time being a lot more.

[00:06:30] Amanda: So that then caused further delays. So we just waited. We tried every different avenue. There was nothing we could do to get it moving. Shorter. Spending thousands of dollars out of pocket. And at the time I did consider it, we did think, is this going to be the best way of doing it? But hindsight, I’m glad we waited. Because when the bricks went down, Then there was a shortage of the next trade. You can see where I’m going with this guy.

[00:06:58] Amanda: Everyone was moving along at exactly the same pace as us.

[00:07:02] Amanda: We had this really big ramp-up of everyone building at the time because we had these government incentives. Which were meant to actually help people build houses, but all on a deed with the incentive grant was pushed the pricing up. Of the initial house purchase. And then all of the supply costs went up. They might have about 150%.

[00:07:25] Amanda: So the small amount that was given us the grant. In no way covered the actual true increase in cost. And it caused a massive delay in the industry. So anyway, we get to the next stage in the next trade. And there’s a delay on that. And this is the same thing that happened at every single stage of the process that we’ve got to.

[00:07:46] Amanda: We will always, at the back of the queue, there was always this delay, even though we signed and truly before all of these grants were given. Unfortunately, it was just the case that. We were where we were, there was nothing that we could [00:08:00] change. We tried using the contract against the builder.

[00:08:03] Amanda: They didn’t care. We tried being really kind with the Buddha. They didn’t care. We tried every different little angle that we could, everything that we could to try and get this, moving, everything that was within our control. But nothing worked.

[00:08:20] Amanda: And so all we could do. All we could do at this point was simply just to surrender into the process. To go with it, knowing that we had tried everything that we had. Because if we didn’t, if we did continue to try and push and shove and get frustrated with the process. All that was going to happen is that we’d be exactly where we were. But it would have that impact on my own mental health. My own sanity. My ability to just enjoy life. And to exist and to have my business enjoy my children and everything that I wanted to do. It would take away from the, the joy. Of having all of that.

[00:09:05] Amanda: And so we’ve just had to surrender. Surrender into the process. And I was hoping that I was going to be able to record this podcast episode with the happy ending. And saying that hooray. We have finished. We were meant to be finished in December. When I’m recording.

[00:09:21] Amanda: We were meant to actually have the final trades coming through in two days from now. About we’ve been advised again. And it’s going to be fun for. We’ve been told one more month for many, many ones now. And all I can do at this point in time is simply just laugh and go, you know what? It is not worth my energy. It is not worth me trying to change the process because it’s not going to happen.

[00:09:47] Amanda: And so this particular lesson that I’ve had to learn and relearn, so. Many times. Over the past four years as we’ve gone through this process of building this house. It’s the only thing that seems to have saved my [00:10:00] sanity. Because if I didn’t simply go, you know what, it’s beyond my control.

[00:10:06] Amanda: I would be in a very different place. I probably wouldn’t be sitting here laughing and go, you know what I think I can do. I would be very upset. I’d be sitting in that scroll hole. I’d be sitting in that. Place of. Anger. And frustration and not be able to do anything productive.

[00:10:26] Amanda: So this is something that we need to take this lesson of and to apply it to our businesses, our lives, and. All of these different situations. It’s not just applicable to one situation in life.

[00:10:40] Amanda: So it’s this mindset shift that we need to take. We need to shift our mindset from, I am going to dominate over this. I am going to fix it. Because sometimes. We can’t. We can do everything in our power. To create this change, but if it sits outside our power, If it sits outside, I can troll.

[00:11:02] Amanda: There’s nothing that we can physically do. To, to make that change. But what we can do, the thing that we can do is to actually then make that shift, that change in how we react to the situation. That’s what we have control over. We have control over the internal, not the external. So I can’t change the house and make it be built quicker. But what I can do is I can change and have control of my reaction. How I show up in all other areas of life in my business and everything that I do. I get control over that.

[00:11:39] Amanda: I get to choose how I react.

[00:11:43] Amanda: So when we talk about our reactions, it is so easy and it’s, it’s just the common human response to challenges. Do you feel victimized or to feel frustrated or overwhelmed if they’re not going away? We get stuck in this. Why is this happening [00:12:00] to me? Mindset. Instead of why is this happening for me?

[00:12:05] Amanda: And I actually see, when I think about the house, there are some really incredible things that are actually coming out of it. And I will share more of those when we actually get to the end of the process, but there is lots of little lessons that are coming out. There are some things that I can say that this house is going to enable us to do the fact that it’s taken so long. The fact that life has shifted so much in the meantime, and we’ve got a bigger vision and this house is actually going to be. Allow us to create that bigger vision.

[00:12:40] Amanda: It’s going to be part of that process, not as a house. But as a stepping stone to something greater. And had it not have taken this amount of time. Would it still be the same? Who knows. Maybe. Maybe not. And this is where fate comes into things. Isn’t it. That is a completely different conversation for another time.

[00:12:58] Amanda: And I will actually delve into an episode on that. I think that’d be a great one. The whether or not everything is destined its fate, or we can actually, we have control over things. Hmm, good one. I’ll come back to that. But if we were turned to this idea of these natural common response that we have as humans, And we recognize that that’s the way that people tend to react. It doesn’t make us feel less than it actually helps us to go.

[00:13:28] Amanda: You know what? That’s normal. That’s common. People do that. But we don’t have to, we can choose a better way for ourselves. And so one of the things that I love to do is that when I find myself getting so sucked into a situation and just go, oh my gosh, what is happening? This is happening against me.

[00:13:45] Amanda: The world is against me. To pause. Because it’s so easy to get sucked into that. It is so easy just to go. It’s all too hard. Throw it away. Or I’ve had enough. All my hat. [00:14:00]

[00:14:00] Amanda: But when you take that moment to pause. And just to reflect.

[00:14:05] Amanda: It allows you to see so much more of the situation. It provides so much more clarity and perspective on everything. It almost zooms you out.

[00:14:19] Amanda: So if we think of that old saying, you can’t see the forest for the trees. Quite often what’s happening is that we’re in the sick of the forest. We just are so deep in the situation we’re looking around. We’ve got no idea where we are. But if you take a moment to pause and zoom out, it’s like you’re then flying above. You can have that whole bird’s eye view of what is going on.

[00:14:41] Amanda: You’ve got that. Perspective. You’ve got that clarity. And it’s going to stop you having those impulse decisions or emotional like releases or reactions. Now I’m not saying don’t get emotional and to bottle things up. Definitely not. There’s nothing worse than bottling up all that energy. But this wise to be how to release it. That are going to be more productive for you.

[00:15:06] Amanda: So how can we actually identify if we have control over a situation?

[00:15:13] Amanda: These are some simple little questions that you can ask yourself to understand? Well, is it within my control?

[00:15:19] Amanda: Because maybe it is within your control in a different way. Just not the way that you think might be.

[00:15:26] Amanda: But I want you to ask yourself empowering questions, which are focusing on the energy on what can be changed. So something as simple as can I influence the outcome of this situation? And like us with the house we tried, we tried lots of different ankles. We tried everything that we can.

[00:15:44] Amanda: And I have this really strong belief that. If I feel as though. I am out of solutions. If I feel as though I have. Tried everything that I [00:16:00] can. Than it is outside my control. I feel like I have got such a thorough grasp on doing what I can do. And trying from all of these different angles that if I can’t produce the outcome, Than it is outside my control.

[00:16:14] Amanda: And I can really say.

[00:16:17] Amanda: So once you’ve determined whether or not you can influence the outcome of the situation. Well, What actions can you take that are within your control?

[00:16:28] Amanda: And let me tell you, there are definitely going to be some actions that you can take that are within your control. And sometimes it might simply just be redirecting your energy. It Might just be a case of your energy is better spent on acceptance. Then trying to change something that seems to be outside your control. And put it towards something else that is going to bring you so much more joy.

[00:16:48] Amanda: It was going to be so much more beneficial for you to focus on instead.

[00:16:52] Amanda: So caught this mindset aspect of it. But there’s also the energetics of it all out energy.

[00:17:01] Amanda: And I’ve touched on this. So when we talk about. How we are. In these challenging situations, we need to think about the impact on overall wellbeing. So I talked about with this house construction, how, if I allow myself to get so consumed with it. That it would start to be a drain on my mental health.

[00:17:20] Amanda: And it was, I did find myself at times, sitting there starting to feel quite down and feeling drained because of it.

[00:17:29] Amanda: It. It really sucked me in. And so it was a case of having to just step back and go, you know why this is, this is not worth my energy. This is not worth me feeling that anger, that frustration. All of these lower level emotions.

[00:17:50] Amanda: Because. How energy is this valuable resource? And we want to manage it.

[00:17:58] Amanda: wHen we look at our own energy from [00:18:00] a quantum physics perspective,

[00:18:03] Amanda: this is thing called energetic resonance. And like attracts like, So, if we are sitting in those lower level emotions, they actually have a lower frequency. So if we’re looking at like an energy wave or a sound wave, those lower level emotions. They have a really long drawn out frequency. And so when we’re talking about this energetic presidents, And how like, attracts, like. I don’t know about you, but I quite often see how there’s some people that just seem to have this problem and then this problem and this problem and this problem. It’s really what’s happening.

[00:18:42] Amanda: It’s this. Sitting in this state of fear, anger, frustration. Just all of these lower level emotions is going to attract more of that into your situation. And so when we do sit in this, this blame, when we sit in this, like trying to control something that is outside of our control, We get stuck here. So we want to be able to step out of that, to go, okay, I’m going to redirect my energy into what I can actually control, what I do have control over, which is how I react.

[00:19:14] Amanda: Yes, I’m going to feel things. I’m not going to block it out. We’re not going to spiritually bypass anything. But do that. Move through it using different somatic tools. And then. Return to life. Return to those higher level emotions and invoke more joy, more, play, more fun. Right. Excitement happiness and all of those higher level emotions. But because they are the higher level of frequency that you want to be attracting more of that into your life. So even though I’m sitting here with a house dragging on.

[00:19:53] Amanda: I’m like, you know what, nothing I can do about it.

[00:19:55] Amanda: I’m going to come back to this Liberty in light where I can actually enjoy my life. And [00:20:00] I know that that’s going to happen in the background. I, whether I interfere or don’t, it is going to continue to just plodding along at its own pace. But instead, I’m going to focus on what I can actually controlling.

[00:20:09] Amanda: And I focus on my business, my family. Everything that is there for me. Because I want to attract more of that into my life. That’s what I have more of. So when we think about these as leaders, Leaders and business leaders of our life being embodied leaders. It’s really about. Focusing on what it is that we can control.

[00:20:37] Amanda: Putting our time, our energy, all of our resources into that, and being intentional about what we want to create.

[00:20:46] Amanda: Because of what it is that is happening beyond our control. It’s always going to be there. It’s always going to happen. Shall we want to mitigate any risks or anything that might come out of it. That is not going to be advantageous for us, but once you’ve done that, Move on. We move on to a more positive and intentional energetic state. So that we can start to then attract the desired experiences into our lives.

[00:21:09] Amanda: I mean, this is how manifestation works. It’s all about being in that high, energetic frequency and attracting like for like,

[00:21:20] Amanda: being able to embrace such practices like visualization or meditation, or even, even you said things like breath work does shift the energy really positively. So that the are then going to remain in that state to be able to bring those manifestations into life.

[00:21:36] Amanda: So focusing on the positive outcome of when that thing finally does happen in your favor.

[00:21:43] Amanda: Because it will, it may just take time. I know that this house is coming for us. Potentially January 20, 24. I’ll keep you updated. Hopefully. I’m sure.

[00:21:56] Amanda: The focusing on the positive.

[00:21:59] Amanda: [00:22:00] Focusing on what is within your control.

[00:22:04] Amanda: I love if you’re feeling that this year. Has really been that year of. Contemplation. Oh, that stagnation or just a really interesting year where things just aren’t going in your favor. Have a look at what is going on your favor. Have a look, what at what is within your control? Then you can actually do more of.

[00:22:29] Amanda: So focus less on what is outside your control. And more on what is within your control. What can you shape? What can you shift? How can you react to things?

[00:22:43] Amanda: Focus on the internal rather than the external. Or even those things that are external, but they coming from you. They’re not coming from those external people, situations, things. They are what you are putting out, because that is what you have control over.

[00:23:01] Amanda: And if you do find yourself just constantly hitting the same roadblock over and over and over.

[00:23:07] Amanda: Pause. Polls for a moment, rather than that reaction into victim hood. Or that blame of the frustration. Just pause for a moment. Take a step back and observe.

[00:23:21] Amanda: I don’t want to react automatically.

[00:23:25] Amanda: Taking all the information first. So then you can have that informed decision about how to move forward.

[00:23:35] Amanda: Semi love. I will keep you updated. Of how things progress for us. And I’m so looking forward to 2024, because I know that all of these little things that have been sitting there churning around in the background for me, I going to drop. In 20, 24. So I can feel that it’s going to be a very big year for so many of us. UNtil next time I [00:24:00] love have an incredible week and I will see you soon.

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