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Get Out of Your Own Way!

AMANDA HUNTER

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In this episode…

In this episode, we’re talking about self limiting beliefs. Yes – those sneaky thoughts that are so deeply ingrained that they’re holding you back from success and you don’t even know it.

We’re going to flush them out into the open and talk through some different strategies to flip the script on these so you’re left feeling empowered and in control.

So let’s dive in!

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Transcript

Amanda: [00:00:00] Welcome to episode 15 of the Heart Driven Hustle podcast. We’re your hosts Amanda and Kingsley.

And in this episode, we’re talking about self limiting beliefs. Yes – those sneaky thoughts that are so deeply ingrained that they’re holding you back from success and you don’t even know it.

We’re going to flush them out into the open and talk through some different strategies to empower you and help you overcome these.

[00:01:00]Kingsley: [00:01:08] Hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of the Heart Driven Hustle podcast. The sun is shining today so our little dog is out in the backyard getting a bit of a tan. We’ve got our bub sitting next to us having a bit of a snooze. So it’s coming into spring time here in Australia. It’s going to be a great day.

So. Let’s get on with this podcast.

Amanda: [00:01:28] It sure is! And today we are going to be talking mindset.  Specifically we are referring to self limiting beliefs, and I know that this is something that creeps in for every single person out there. These are sneaky little things that hold us back and I’m not just talking in business.

I’m talking in general life as well. But the reason that they are so sneaky is that quite often, we don’t even realize it. They have this way of creeping up on us.

We can think that everything in life is going fine or even [00:02:00] great. And then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, we’re filled with doubt and at leaves you thinking where on earth did this even come from?

So, what we’re going to do is we’re going to flush out some of those key limiting beliefs out into the open.

We’re going to expose them for what they are and show you exactly how you are going to overcome them.

So, where do they come from and how do they arise?

Well, funnily enough, so many of these actually cliches. They’re things that we heard as a child, which then becomes so deeply ingrained in our minds that they just become second nature.

So have you heard of some of these ones?

Kingsley: [00:02:34] “it’s better to be safe than, sorry.”

Amanda: [00:02:36] “I never have good luck.”

Kingsley: [00:02:38] “I’m not good enough.”

Amanda: [00:02:39] “It’s selfish to put my own needs before those of my family and friends”, etc, etc.

Oh, and this is a really good one that covers everything “I can’t” because such and such…  The thing is the beliefs that we hold has such a direct influence over what we can achieve.

And also what we don’t achieve.

when we have these self [00:03:00] limiting beliefs, our efforts can feel as though we’re pushing life up hill. But the really cool thing is that on the contrary, when we have empowering beliefs, our achievements can feel almost effortless.

Our limiting beliefs are essentially just stories, which we’ve been told. And then we continue to tell ourselves over and over again.

The thing is, we feel so certain about this belief that we unconsciously look for proof to validate a story. Then the problem exists that since we are seeking out the proof of the limiting belief that we actually find it.

And then the more proof that we find,  the more ingrained this belief it becomes. It’s this self perpetuating cycle.

So knowing this though, we want to flip the script. And instead create some positive beliefs, which we can then begin to validate instead. And that  way our beliefs become so powerful and empowering.

Imagine how much potential you would have then and what you could accomplish if your belief’s supported and nurtured you instead. [00:04:00]

Kingsley: [00:04:00] And it’s important to note that these limiting beliefs are something that you’ve been telling yourself since childhood, like we said earlier, these things are ingrained in almost in your DNA.

So to snap yourself out of these self limiting beliefs, you’re going to have to tell yourself some positive reinforcement over and over again, and start looking for proof that that exists. So it’s not just the case of, uh, I’m going to manifest positivity and there it goes. It pops into your life.

We’re talking months and months and years and years of being on top of yourself and thinking in a positive light. Otherwise your self perpetuating thoughts will be your actions.

Amanda: [00:04:41] Totally. I mean, imagine what a difference it would make if you actually overcame those limiting beliefs and rewrote your story.

Pretty cool. So having said that let’s run through some of the big limiting beliefs, which might be prevalent when you are launching your own business.

Belief number one – this is a goodie! “I [00:05:00] don’t have time”.

Well, time is just a social construct. We all have the same 24 hours in a day, but when you start to work with time, instead of against it, you can then empower yourself to achieve so much more. Now you recall back in episode 11 , we actually gave you a really handy technique to schedule your day. So if you haven’t already checked that out, make sure you do head over to heartdrivenhustle.com/ 11  to download that one. But what you want to do is take a look at how you are using your time in the day. And what you’ll start to notice is that you might be getting in your own way, things such as putting other people’s demands before your own, or maybe performing really easy repetitive tasks first, because it seems like it’s a quick tick and flick exercise before accomplishing those more meaningful tasks.

These things might actually be limiting in you in what you’re doing.

The next limiting belief is somewhat [00:06:00] related to this. It is still around timing, but maybe you’re telling yourself, well, “the timing isn’t right”. I don’t want to start my business now because. It’s just not right for me.

Kingsley: [00:06:10] Let me tell you, there is never a right time to do anything.

We’ve got a five week old sitting in this spare room that we’re doing a podcast in. Our podcast is only five weeks old. This is not the perfect time for me. Let’s do this. And again, in 20 years time, when I’ve got a little bit more time on my hands and the kids have moved out because there’ll always be something else that comes up in the way.

Amanda: [00:06:32] Exactly. There is never a right time for anything. You just need to take that leap of faith and know that the universe is there to catch you. It’s as though you’re being tested as to whether you really want this, or you just think you want it.

Which I want to ask. I’m curious to know whether maybe what you’re afraid of is not time or the time being incorrect, but maybe it’s change.

Maybe you’ve been handed what could be the answer that you’re [00:07:00] after ie starting your own business and doing something a little bit different, but you’re afraid to take it with both hands and run with it.

And I know change can be a scary thing, especially when you’ve been doing something for so long   and you don’t know any different.

It can be doubly as daunting when this is something new. I mean, a lot of people haven’t been exposed to a side hustle before they simply think, okay, well you go and you do your traditional nine to five business. That’s it. You should be happy with that. So it’s an entirely different concept of what you’re being exposed to.

The other thing I also wonder is maybe there’s some fear around success… and I know this sounds contradictory, but you’d be surprised at how many people are actually afraid of their success and they self sabotage in the process. And it could be quite a few different reasons why people are afraid of success.

So it could be something like maybe you’re not feeling worthy of the success. Your inner critic might be saying you shouldn’t bother trying just in case you don’t appreciate the experience. So what’s the point.

Or maybe [00:08:00] here scared of being the center of attention? Maybe you’ve been so downtrodden in things that you’ve done in the past that it’s just very easy to feel this way.

Maybe you don’t trust your own inner strengths or abilities, and you don’t have that confidence to move forward.

Well, it’s all about flipping that switch because you do, you certainly do.

Maybe you’re also worried about losing your identity and who you’ll become if you achieve success.

Maybe it’s a case of you feel happy where you are, or you’re safer where you are than jumping into the unknown because you don’t know the person that you’re going to become.

Kingsley: [00:08:34] That’s a big one because there’s a lot of people that go, well, what about my friends? I don’t want to leave them behind. I don’t want to change my friend circle.

I just want to live in this forever land, you know, on a Sunday afternoon, forever every year. Every day should be a Sunday afternoon between the hours of three and five. O’clock when I see my friends,

Amanda: [00:08:53] that’s right, because it’s easier.

Kingsley: [00:08:55] It is very much easier, but it doesn’t work like that. I’m afraid is

Amanda: [00:08:59] No… it’s that fear of [00:09:00] getting ahead of loved ones and friends as well, is that it can actually change the dynamic of the relationship.

I mean, if your friends or those around you are seeing you starting to step up, you’re stepping into your own, you’re starting to strive. Maybe they’re going to get jealous of your success and you don’t want to upset them that way.

But by doing so, have you considered that maybe you are going to inspire them. Maybe you’re going to inspire them to do something that they wanted to do and they’ve been holding back because they didn’t want to upset you or they didn’t have that confidence of their own to do it.

Another limiting belief is about failure. So we’ve talked about success, but what about the flip side failure? What happens if everyone says, “I told you so”.

We’ve talked about the comfort zone and it is such an easy place to hang out. It doesn’t involve stretching or taking any risks, but the problem with the comfort zone, well, You don’t grow and you don’t evolve and you can actually be left behind and in [00:10:00] exactly the same place watching other surpass you and when that occurs  there’s absolutely nothing worse than the comparison game and wanting what others have and knowing that you could have had it too, but you just didn’t stretch yourself.

I mean, in life for things to change, you need to change, which means taking risks and giving things a go.  Would you rather look back in, in years to come asking the question ‘ what if?’ Or would you prefer to know that you gave it your all and if this is where you ended up then, so be it. I know I’d rather do that.

Kingsley: [00:10:31] Yeah.

Amanda: [00:10:31] I mean, having that fear and the uncertainty really is the killer of all dreams and yes, it can be scary. Yes, you are stepping into the unknown but one of the biggest pieces of advice that I can give is lean into the support of others around you.

If there are people who have done it before you. Lean into them. I mean, success leaves, clues! Lean into those people to give you the necessary guidance and shine the light for you that you need at every step of your journey.

[00:11:00] Kingsley: [00:10:59] So what you’re saying there is, someone’s done it before you have done it, therefore they can guide you through it. So don’t be afraid that you’re the first person in the world stepping out of their comfort zone and doing something different because you’re not, there’s thousands of thousands of people that have done it out of the whole entire world. That’s still not a lot of people, but there’s someone there to show you to guide you. And that’s important.

Amanda: [00:11:27] Exactly. Well, we all like to think that we are the first in doing anything, but we’re not, and this is a really important point is seek out a mentor and it doesn’t have to be someone that you know, it can be someone that is outside your circle, but seek out someone that has achieved what you want to achieve. So whether this is a business mentor, a mindset coach, I financial mentor…just  someone that has been there before, that can point you in the right direction.

Kingsley: [00:11:57] and they also hold you accountable. And if [00:12:00] they are at arms length, so they’re not a friend, it’s a little bit more of a formal arrangement and therefore you’ll tend to, follow through on your promises. Okay. And you hold yourself to account, through holding them, holding. Three of them holding you to account. Got there in the end. That was a little bit of a tongue twister!

Amanda: [00:12:21] That’s right. You don’t want to feel as though you’re letting them down.

Kingsley: [00:12:24] Exactly.

That’s, that’s a lot easier way of saying that you don’t, you don’t want to feel like you’re letting someone else down, therefore you’ll achieve your goals.

Amanda: [00:12:33] That’s it. You have an obligation to them to do the right thing by yourself.

Kingsley: [00:12:38] Excellent.

Amanda: [00:12:39] Ah, we got there, we got there. So this takes us to our next limiting belief. “I can’t”

Kingsley: [00:12:47] our three year old says that all the time actually

Amanda: [00:12:48] She does! We’re going through this at the moment, trying to change her thinking and encourage her to, to give it a try because this is one of the most limiting beliefs.

[00:13:00] So as you can see, it’s ingrained in us from childhood. I mean, if she’s saying that as a three year old, can you imagine how many times you have told yourself that by  the time that you reach or your mid to late twenties, or even early thirties. It’s numerous times, and you can understand why it starts to become ingrained subconsciously in our minds.

So beginning anything with “I can’t”, right away tells us that it’s simply not possible. So you’ve even had a chance to contemplate the task or achieve the goal your unconscious mind is going to end up physically blocking you.

It implies that you have no choice. And the thing is you always have a choice. So rephrase the wording in your mind to apply to a specific situation, to be empowered. So for example, I can’t get up in front of a crowd and do a public speaking gig.

Kingsley: [00:13:49] Instead, you should be asking yourself, how can I begin to learn how to get up in front of a crowd  and do public speaking,

Amanda: [00:13:58] because if you don’t have that skillset [00:14:00] right now, it’s setting you up so that you can learn those skills and then actually achieve that particular task.

Kingsley: [00:14:06] Because if you just say you can’t, then you won’t and then the next time there’s an opportunity that comes up.

You’ll say I can’t, because I couldn’t last time. And you would just repeat yourself, like we said earlier.

Amanda: [00:14:17] It puts a big,  full stop . Doesn’t it? No more conversation. Can’t do it. That is it.

Kingsley: [00:14:22] Choice has been removed.

Amanda: [00:14:23] Yes. Entirely and related to that is. “I am not”. So…

“I’m not creative enough.”

Kingsley: [00:14:32] “I’m not qualified enough.”

Amanda: [00:14:34] “I’m not good enough at sales.”

And when you use the words, “I am”, you were making a statement about yourself, your identity and who you believe you are or aren’t.

So this is called an identity belief, and this can be one of the most self limiting beliefs that you can have because it’s who you believe you are at your core.

Can you imagine creating a coaching business and then saying to yourself, ” Oh, I’m really [00:15:00] awkward. And I don’t know what to say to my clients”.

See how this could be holding you back? You’re already starting on the back foot and going into your coaching sessions with a sense of failure in your mind.

But the thing is you are good enough. You need to turn that around and say, I am good enough. But because you may have had an experience in your life, which has challenged you, or you felt threatened in this respect, you will run these patterns of behaviors, which are designed to protect you.

It’s as though when you’re trying to stretch your capabilities and step up to the next level, there’s this little voice inside your head, which pops up and tells you that you shouldn’t do it, or it can’t be done.

The thing is you own this voice, which means you can control it. So   I know this sounds silly. Start negotiating with a little voice inside your head, acknowledge it and say, thank you for trying to protect you, but then let it know that you’re okay. And that you’re going to give it a go anyway.

And the more you do this, the more you’ll build your own belief and see that you actually are [00:16:00] good enough.

Kingsley: [00:16:01] And it’s important to know that even the most successful presenters on the planet have that little voice inside their head, but you know, what makes them a successful presenter? They’re able to have that internal conversation with themselves and come to the conclusion that even though they’re nervous, even though they don’t want to do it necessarily, they’re going to push through because they’re going to grow on the other side of it. And once you achieve that and you’re able to stretch yourself, there is a satisfaction that you get from that.

That you can’t get from anything else. Being able to achieve something that you thought you couldn’t at the start is…  there is no better satisfaction.

Amanda: [00:16:38] And imagine the smile on your face when you walk off that stage and that sense of accomplishment, it’s going to be massive. And then once you’ve done that, reaffirm it.

I am good enough! I did that! Look what I did! See a little voice… I was right!

Kingsley: [00:16:54] Exactly. And then go and set up the next public speaking presentation, as soon as you’re done that one because [00:17:00] you’re on a roll baby.

Amanda: [00:17:01] Exactly. You’ve got this.

Oh, “I’m not as good as them.” This is another beauty. It’s all about that comparison game, isn’t it! And it can come out and it can affect people at all stages of their lives and their careers. It’s not just something that someone feels in the beginning when they’re starting out in their own journey. It creeps in at every single level. And I heard this really great saying that at every level there’s another devil because there is.

Yeah, it’s always going to be the next thing. Now, the problem with this particular limiting belief is that it can lead to a whole range of emotions.

It can lead to jealousy, loss of confidence, self-consciousness and annoyance as well. I mean the biggest lesson here is never compare your day 1 in business with someone else’s day, 1000. They have the blood, the sweat, the tears. It’s just that you haven’t seen it.

They have grown as a result. And what you’re seeing is them on the other side, and the thing is you can be on that other [00:18:00] side too. So remember everyone is different. No one is perfect.

you simply don’t know what’s happening in their lives behind closed doors. They could be all smiles and everything on the outside, but who’s to know when  they’re not on Instagram or on social media or what’s actually happening in their home,

Kingsley: [00:18:18] they’re nervous just like you and I and everyone else but they just fight through it to become a better person.

Amanda: [00:18:24] That’s it!

we all exist with our own gifts and we all compliment each other in our own perfect little way. No one is better or worse. It’s all just different. That’s all it is.

Kingsley: [00:18:35] Exactly.

Amanda: [00:18:36] So to sum up self limiting beliefs, this is a bit of a, a deep dive, a bit of a deep topic, and we hope that you’ve managed to go within, but everyone will have their own limiting beliefs and the things that are holding us back in what we do.

So the first step really is identifying and acknowledging what yours are. So that you can take back your power and this is exactly what it’s all about. It’s about taking back your power, [00:19:00] being empowered, stepping into your own.

Don’t get caught up in the blame game as this is simply eroding your precious time and focus and taking away from what you’re trying to create, which I know, and you know, is amazing.

Your success comes from the inside out. So the choices that you make in a flipping your limiting beliefs to ones of empowerment will open you up to your full potential.

Kingsley: [00:19:23] Amazingly said what a beautiful way to end.

Amanda: [00:19:27] Okay. And they have it guys. Well, that’s the end of another episode. If you’d like to check out the show notes from this one ahead of to heartdrivenhustle.com/15.

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